How to Overcome/Conquer Heartbreak?
A short while ago, I was reading a book and I came across a quote that lingered in my mind for quite some time: “Sometimes when finding the light you have to pass through the deepest darkness”. You have to suffer before you see the rainbow. And I’ve got to say, it hit home. You have to suffer heartbreaks before you can fully heal and fully be loved. I’ve always wondered why people chose to do this to themselves. Why put your heart out there if it’s just going to break? Why do we humans do this to ourselves? Do we like the pain? Do we actually think that after suffering, a rainbow will appear?
When you think about it though the analogy is fitting. After a terrible storm where the winds have knocked down branches, rain coming down the streets, flooding them and thunder that booms so loudly the windows rattle. After all that is over if you look to the sky you see a rainbow in the aftermath of the storm. Rain softly falls and the clouds part showing the fully, bright rainbow. In the moments after a storm there’s nothing but silence. Nothing but utter and complete silence.
If you dare go outside after the storm you can almost see the beauty in it. The roads glistening, the sky turning into a clear blue shade, the dead silence and the still, windless air. In those moments you forget the rumbling, shaking and disruption that was happening a few minutes ago.
How can something so beautiful come out of so much destruction? Is that how a heart looks after heartbreak?
But like every storm there’s the aftermath; the clean-up. When something gets broken or destroyed it needs to be fixed. Does it get fixed perfectly? No. Does it change shape or re-configuring? Yes. When something gets broken it’s not expected to turn out perfect again or even close to what it used to be. Whether it can be fixed to something even stronger than before or to something that would crumble easier is the question. The difference between a storm and a heartbreak is that you get to decide whether you heart will be stronger than it was or to be weaker.
I read an article recently and I’ve never been so interested in a piece of work before. The author said that there are two types of people when dealing with heartbreak or loss. One will act out and walks around with a visible shield around them. The other one becomes secluded and walks around with their heart showing. One heart has been healed crooked and becomes weaker so a shield needs to be put in place; they don’t see the rainbow at the end. The other one has been healed slowly but carefully; it’s stronger than it once was and doesn’t need a shield; they see the rainbow at the end of the tunnel.
Which one is better? The one with the shield for that person knows to never go through it again? Or the one that is out in the open and knows it will receive a few blows but can handle it? Which one is stronger? Now that is the trickiest question of all. Do you shield yourself away from all heartbreak? Or do you let it out knowing there’s a chance for it to be happy?
The environment that I grew up in, I never believed in love. No one around helped. How can one love when they aren’t showing it? The materialistic and judgmental people around me contributed solely to my hate for love. The only thing that helped not destroy everything I know about love was books. In romance novels the girl gets her heartbroken but in the end she ends up with the guy who treats her like she is a queen. During my teenage years I always wondered whether these stories were true. Eventually, I just floundered on the idea that happy endings are overrated. I believed all they ever did was create an illusion. I still do. Whether it’s possible to have a happy ending after all and keep a person going, hoping for something great and finding it, or, on the contrary, leads the person on and makes them sought out for something that does not exist, something that they will never achieve?
I don’t even know what I’m talking about. I think I’m trying to find a way to overcome heartbreak.
It won’t always be easy, of course. Just as in a game, there’s a chance of winning, but also the chance of losing. We will be knocked down. We will get hurt. We will get stepped on. But we will get back up, because we are strong, and we will be able to go on from there. To learn our mistakes; take a lesson with us for the next time, so that we know a little more and we hurt a little less. Even if we fail, even if we don’t learn from our mistakes and don’t take any lessons with us, leaving us more sad than happy, that’s okay because in the end we have ourselves and that is more than enough, even if it may not seem like it. You can show yourself how to get found after being lost. At least I hope so.